With every major life decision I’ve made, good and bad advice has been freely given.
Moving to Canada in 2003, someone dear to me advised that family wouldn’t forgive me for the move. I was told my girlfriend (now my wife) wasn’t right for me. Assured that friends from home would abandon me.
I’d be alone and left to live an unhappy life far from those I knew and cared about.
Twelve years on, I’m still living abroad. Getting by. And friends and family continue to care.
When I returned to university as a 28-year old, dissatisfied with my corporate career and the killer commute, I was advised I was too old. The university, in its right mind, should not accept me. Fellow students would shun me.
And I probably wouldn’t get the grades because being older somehow meant having less intelligence than those around me.
So I graduated with an A-grade Master of Arts. Avoided the school bullies. And my brain didn’t implode.
Then I quit my steady government career after seven painfully long years to create a writing company off the back of this blog’s success. I was immediately told I’d fall behind if I set up my own business. It would likely end in tears and I could fail financially.
Never be able to afford another house. Forget financial security. Kiss goodbye to a proper career.
Enough already.
With every major life decision, I’ve received great advice from trusted sources. But I’ve also heard some of the worst advice about changing my life for the better.
And you’ll probably hear it too.
1. You will not be forgiven.
Loved ones won’t forgive you for moving abroad, leaving a great career or dropping everything to travel the world.
You turn your back on them. Give up family commitments and responsibilities as they grow older. Swan off on that incredible adventure while they deal with life on their own. How could they ever forgive you for that?
But it’s just not true.
They might not be happy with your decision to quit a good job. They might rue the day you decided to head overseas because of a deep sense of wanderlust or a need to spread your wings. And, yes, you’ll miss family events and annual celebrations.
But there’s nothing to forgive.
Because you haven’t done anything wrong. You didn’t commit a crime and you didn’t set out to hurt anybody.
You were restless, unhappy, uneasy with life. You wanted to change things and it led you down this path. It’s true that you looked out for you, but then somebody had to or you might have gone mad.
If friends are true friends, they’ll always be there for you. It will be a struggle but you’ll fight to keep the connection with those you miss most.
You have a shared history with the people you leave behind. They get you. They understand you.
They will forgive you.
2. You are too old.
Too far advanced in a career. Too old to get a visa. You left it too late. And where is all this leading? We don’t understand. Grow up and stop gallivanting around.
I’ve heard it all before.
There’s a perception that when you make a drastic life change, you have to do it before you turn 30. Or earlier.
That if you don’t change a job, sell your house, travel or move abroad before this point, then you’ll jeopardise everything you’ve worked hard for.
I gave up the steady corporate career – the car, the perks, flash title and fancy suits – to return to student life.
And I loved every minute of it.
I left my homeland in my late 20s and, at the age of 40, I wouldn’t say no to another grand international move. It’s in my blood and it’s the way I’m built.
It’s not about age. It’s about you.
If you crave change, are willing to open yourself up to it, ready to step outside your comfort zone, then it becomes a choice and has nothing to do with age.
If you want it badly enough, you’ll find a way.
3. You will fall behind.
You can’t afford to do this. You won’t be able to buy a house, start a family, move up the career ladder.
Making a decision like this is flakey and selfish at the expense of everything you’ve achieved and everyone who supported you.
You know who always says this? People who have money.
No-one drowning in debt will ever say something like this to you. We have an unhealthy obsession with money and too often associate our happiness with wealth.
Of course, it’s easier to be happy when your refrigerator is full and your bills are paid, but you still have to face the job you dislike or the commute to work that you cannot stand.
Making a decision to change an aspect of your life for the better may impact on your finances but, equally, when you do something you love, you often become great at it. And, with passion and success, should flow a decent income.
We need to stop hearing this because it’s too short-term.
There are so many ways to change your life. Embrace a different diet, try new things, sell a house, get fit, move abroad, transfer to a new job, do something that scares you, even alter your daily routine.
Change is hard, it’s intimidating, and we need to know we’re making the right decision. Life is full of new beginnings based on good (and bad) advice.
So it’s perfectly normal to listen to others when considering something new, just don’t let them become a hurdle.
Don’t let them hold you back.
What’s the worst advice you’ve heard? What did you do about it?
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1. Fled to live in Spain after my divorce – you won’t be happy – some of the best times of my life!
2. Went to uni (for the first time) at 33 – you’re too old to study -was Chair of the main uni charity fundraising team and raised the most ever!
3. Met Mark in my final year of study – you will fail as you will be distracted – graduated in English and Spanish with distinction!
4. Emigrated to Australia – it’s too isolated you will be so unhappy -still here and v happy 10yrs later!
5. Went to uni again at age 42 – well now you’re just taking the piss, far too old to start a new career – primary school teacher 2 yrs later and won uni prize for best beginning teacher!
6. Started own business – far too risky, what do you know a about business – 3yrs later myself and my 6 staff tutor 110 children a week in maths and English!
hmm what will I do next that’s not a good idea?!
Brilliant post. I have received similar (bad) advice! Luckily, I ignored it.
Thanks Amanda! And congrats on ignoring that bad advice. Nothing good can come of it 😉
Love it, Annie. Thanks for sharing. And I rest my case. If this isn’t a clear case of crap and unwanted advice from uninformed quarters, I don’t know what is. Maybe it was well intended but aren’t you glad you stuck to your plan and forged ahead?!! Brilliant.
As we are on the verge of another life changing move in our fifties, your post gave me the nod I have been needing 🙂
Oh, that’s great to hear, Johanna. Looking forward to hearing news of it – exciting stuff 🙂
I haven’t gotten that kind of negative advice, for the most part. Sometimes it’s just questions like “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” But mostly it’s “That’s such a brave thing to do!” or “Go for it, if it’s what you need!” And, surprisingly, a lot of envy: people who say they wish they could do the same. I guess I’ve been lucky.
I wonder if the envy I’ve witnessed has translated into negativity, rather than positive comments. Could be so. But it sounds like you have strong support around you and it’s great to hear. These are brave things to do and you should go for it, if it’s what you need! Thanks for commenting, Rachel.
I definitely think that a lot of negativity stems from envy, jealousy and from people who are expressing their own fears. The trap is not realizing it and allowing your own self-doubt embrace it.
Agree on all counts. Thanks.
Lovely post. And so true. You’ll be happier if you follow your heart and what you feel will make you happy, rather than stick to what others would like you to do. By being happier, you can then have the strength to help others.
Have posted your article on our Facebook Page for adult TCKs (grew up outside their home country) and global nomads https://www.facebook.com/pages/CK-Dating/574576639304459?ref=bookmarks
Thanks Olivia. I always used to think that following your heart was one of those cliche statements but, as I grow older, I realise it’s truer than ever. As Steve Jobs said, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
That’s great. Olivia. Thank you so much 🙂
I heard many of these multiple times, even when living in a different city from my family.
I want to move back to London, I did the working holiday already. Any tips on how I can make this happen? I am working on networking, LinkedIn, applying for jobs with organisations that can sponsor (my only choice is work sponsorship). I find most posts are from young people who do the working holiday, have an ancestral visa, etc. I would love to hear from those who were successful in becoming an expat through unconventional means.
Thanks
A fellow nomad.
Hi Megan, thanks for your comment. I’d say you’re doing the right things for moving over there. Networking is key and LinkedIn is getting better and better for making the right connections. Use social media as if you were already on the ground there – talk to people online, learn about where the demand is and what’s on offer, and basically network, network, network. If you can demonstrate your international experience and adaptability to the UK based on previous time there, you should get a few bites online. Let me know how you get on.
For me, I’ve moved internationally both times through permanent residency applications. It’s a longer route, not cheap and with no guarantees, but I always found the sponsorship option more difficult to secure. That’s not to say that others have found success in an easier fashion.
Thanks Russell.
🙂
Great article, thanks Russell. When I studied towards two parallel degrees – biotechnology (my biggest love) and ethnology (interest for other cultures) I was told by my biotech supervisor that ‘the second degree gets me nowhere’. I listened and dropped ethnology. It was almost 10 yrs ago and I still remember this bad advice. The good thing about it is that it is my lesson. And it helps me to remember not to follow any bad advices again.
Thanks Martha. Interesting story – but a shame too. So many of us follow bad advice and only realise later on in life. Hope you’ve been ignoring that bad advice ever since then 🙂