I’m getting restless.
I’ve been here before and I recognise this feeling. I’m no longer as relaxed in my environment and I’m picking fault with too many things.
I read an article on Expat Exchange this week titled Ten Types of Expats that offered a slightly sarcastic and highly entertaining analysis of the ten different types of expats. One type of expat piqued my curiosity so I read further.
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| Restless. Photo credit: Flickr Creative Commons thelearnr |
According to the author, Tom Johnson, this type of expat longs for something unusual and different: “For the first several months, he is immersed in the freshness of the culture, he sees life anew. He can barely walk straight for the hundreds of images, noises, and people competing for his visual attention, which he offers entirely. In time, however, these stimulations fade. On the inside, an emptiness is brewing. When the culture no longer fascinates, the escapee longs to escape again. It is his nature.” Tom adds that this type of expat must cross any and all barriers in order to find the lasting happiness and utopia he will eternally seek. He is known as the ‘escapee’ expat.
Is this therefore the cause of my growing restlessness? Am I an ‘escapee’ expat, already longing for my next big move (after three major moves to date)? Am I looking to escape once again?
I’ve been in Sydney for five years and have established myself well enough in this beautiful city. I married my ‘better half’ here. I took on Australian citizenship last year. I own a fine house and I have a decent enough job. I’d even consider myself a ‘local’, with my favourite watering hole, preferred places to walk the dog, regularly frequented eateries, and a growing set of friends I can call and rely upon. I’m in no hurry to move on and there is no great emptiness brewing inside me so I don’t feel like the ‘escapee’.
But something’s not right.
I’m growing uneasy with this life I’ve created in Sydney. It’s not the kind of life I sought out when I left the UK – a life with less stress, a life more relaxed, a life completely different from the norm. On the surface, life as an expat Down Under is perfectly fine – we have great access to the beaches, we enjoy long summers, we indulge in great food but dig a little deeper and things are not quite as great as they seem.
We live beyond our means thanks to Sydney’s rocketing cost of living. From the grocery store to the housing market, the petrol bowser to the shopping mall, life in Australia is proving more expensive than I had imagined or anticipated and it makes me increasingly uncomfortable. I didn’t go in search of such an expensive way of life.
I sit in an hour and a half of traffic twice a day, cursing and groaning at the sheer volume of sorry souls commuting to and from the workplace in Sydney’s heavily populated metropolitan region. The transport links are shameful, the congestion is spiralling out of control, and my five years here have seen things only get much, much worse. I didn’t go in search of such a stressful way of life.
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| Sydney traffic congestion. Photo credit: Flickr Creative Commons thienzieyung |
We both find ourselves once again in a 9-5 office routine in a city where the working culture is focused on proving yourself as a hardworker to your peers, on putting in long hours in the week and at weekends, and on ambition and success at any and all cost, as we’ve found to our detriment. Trapped in this culture of working, our choice is to join in or get out which is no fair choice at all. I didn’t go in search of such a poor work-life balance.
Taken alone, these issues probably aren’t deal-breakers but, taken together, they cause me concern. These things may be part and parcel of life in, or near to, any major city but all I know is the issues are mounting. It’s time to review this situation, go back to the drawing board, and re-evaluate what we want from this life because a good life has to be about more than just sand, sea and sun.
So how do you separate out those genuine deal-breaking issues from an everyday gripe?
And how do you know if, and when, it might be time to move on?
While there may be an element of ‘escapism’ in your expat experience, only you can know that for sure. I can only offer that, when I read this post (extremely well written, I should add), your questions don’t seem petty or minor or escapist at all.
You say it yourself: ‘Taken alone, these issues probably aren’t deal-breakers but, taken together, they cause me concern.’
Your gut is telling you something. Now it’s up to you and your wife to figure out what that is.
And I’ll be following along.
Is it when you stop finding the little joys in everyday living? Or perhaps it’s when the gripes overwhelm the grea moments so much that they lose their ‘momentous-ness’?
Our family seeks and asks similar questions. We have been in the Sydney area for a little over a year now and these same questions are already popping up in our minds as we weigh the benefits of living here versus somewhere else again.
Instead of changing countries, maybe a change in job or residence could improve your situation? Moving closer to your work or to a suburb with a train connection to your work so you could use the commute time more usefully, for example, could help with the traffic. Or perhaps you need a different job altogether–one you can do farther up or down the coast where the cost of living and traffic not so great?
Man, I just want to say that I can totally relate to how you’re feeling. I’m in a very similar situation here in Austin.. going on 5 years, used to be an expat in Vietnam. Been restless and miserable with the U.S. lifestyle for a while now and it sounds very similar to the one you’re describing in Sydney. Considering another big change and suggested Sydney as an option and my friend told me about your blog.
I’m sure your feeling is telling you something…
@Linda – Thanks for the lovely comment about my attempt at writing!
I agree with your points. My gut instinct is screaming out and now we seriously need to re-assess things and ask the question – is this just a combination of issues that can be fixed with a few tweaks here and a minor change there… or are these issues conspiring to create a deeper problem with more significant implications?
I look forward to having you along on this journey of ours 🙂
@Kym – Hi and good to see you!
I think you may be right… it’s possibly when the gripes overwhelm the great moments – and your life becomes not-so-great anymore.
It’s not that my expectations are too high… it’s just that I’ve given up a lot for a better life and it’s suddenly starting to feel less better.
@Francine – Welcome to In Search of a Life Less Ordinary!
It’s reassuring to find people in similar situations with the same dilemmas and issues.
Moving country is certainly drastic and I would consider a change in job or location to improve our ‘deal’. The Northern Beaches is a notorious area for issues with commuting from this heavily populated peninsula plus the need for most people to work some distance away in the city. So a different role or a different area to call home would be of benefit – and is being considered!
The question is whether the issues run deeper than that. What if it’s about more than just the job or location? These are the things we need to delve deep within ourselves to ask. I’m just not sure that I’m ready to find out.
@La Pham Nikita – Hi there and sorry to hear you’re in a similar situation in Austin. I’ve never been to that neck of the woods so can’t comment but I do know there’s nothing worse than feeling miserable about a situation and knowing that it will probably take a big change to fix it.
Have a read of some of my other Sydney posts if you like – they may give you some useful insights into life here. Aside from the traffic and job angst I’m suffering, I can think of worse places to relocate to.
That said, my feeling is definitely telling me something… the time for ignoring it is up.
Hope to see you back here on the blog soon.
Russell,
My suggestion:
1) Imagine that you have complete power to create your ideal day. Outside of defying the law of physics, you can be, have and do whatever you want. Describe that day in such detail that someone that was making a film could easily replicate it. Take at least 20 to 30 minutes to do this.
What are the three themes or elements that stand out most in this story? Which elements are essential to this lifestyle? Write them down. Get clear about what the look like.
Do any of those things show up in your current life? Is there anything you can do to bring any of these into your life?
How different is that ideal day from your life now?
This may help suss out the grip vs. the deal breakers a bit.
2) What are you currently tolerating? What things are driving you crazy?
What can you do to eliminate those things? What are you willing to commit to to cut things out of your life right now?
This will help you clear away some of the things that are more about your habits than you location.
Tell me what you find.
Best,
Megan
La Pham Nikita–We moved to Sydney from Austin March 2010. The traffic in Austin is terrible and not getting any better any time soon. We lived 25 minutes outside of the city and worked from home. If you’re working downtown, though, I think you have to live closer in or spend your life commuting in crummy traffic.
Wonderful things about Sydney compared to Austin:
The surroundings are beautiful! The nature, beaches, city are amazingly beautiful.
Sydney is not as hot as Austin most of the time. You can spend time outdoors most of the year.
Downsides to Sydney compared to Austin:
It’s incredibly expensive, especially compared to Austin, where everything is dirt cheap.
It’s very humid here. Winters are not as cold as in Austin, but homes are not built for the cold and many do not have central heating, so it feels damper and colder than winters in Austin.
Good luck with your journey!
Francine
@Megan – Great suggestion. I shall do the exercise and will take this offline and let you know what I discover 🙂
Oh I can relate to this all too well. I am an escapee… always have been. Being here in Sydney for over 2 years now is only made better by the idea of upcoming international travel.
But, if you’re talking about living somewhere, then Sydney is not a bad place depending on what you are looking for. I think the Aussie culture, overall, is more laid-back, but I also hate the logistics of working in Sydney (well, my bf works super long hours and has to commute as well — I feel I rarely see him!). And it’s bloody expensive. But, the beaches, the sunshine (usually)… you can’t get that back where I’m from.
I think if there are parts of your life here that you dislike (like the commute to work for example), see if you can think of alternatives. Maybe you can request the option of telecommuting a couple days a week… or maybe find another job. if you tweak and tweak and nothing is falling in place, see where in the world you can make these happen.
@Brooke – Hey Brooke, great to see you over here. ‘Tweaking’ the current situation is definitely a first stop… see if fixing the small issues can change things for the better or whether the issues are more than just the commute to work. I’ll keep you posted on what the end result it. Watch this space for future posts on our continuing search for a better life 🙂
Great post Russell! I have definitely felt several of these things as well, especially on the money front. Personally, I’ve also started to reject the drinking culture that I’ve been a part of with other expats and Aussies alike. Maybe it’s partly due to age, but I feel like I am outgrowing a lot of things I enjoyed when I first got to Sydney.
@Lauren – Thanks Lauren!
Funny but I’ve also started to reject the drinking culture (it’s quite different here to North America and took some getting used to – never thought I’d say that as a Brit!).
Maybe you settle down a bit and those initial things that drew you to a place change. Or maybe you need new challenges and have to look elsewhere?
It doesn’t hurt to re-assess your position from time to time… and take action if necessary.
@Lauren – Hey you, thanks for the comment!
The money front is definitely tough in Sydney – and getting worse as the price of living seems to keep on climbing.
I also started to reject the drinking culture which is unusual for a Brit but maybe my experiences in North America tuned me in to a different way of thinking and age is also playing a big part…
A really interesting post and I must go and have at look at the different types of Expat. I wonder what type I am. I understand your need to move on. I often feel that too, but know that my husband and kids don’t feel the same way. One thing I can report is that I find living in Hampshire (you know where! ;-p) bloody expensive compared to what I’m used to in Auckland, NZ – itself a very expensive place to live. I think the Expat Explorer survey is a fab tool (though need NZ included in the next one!) and love what Megan has to say in your post. Must do that exercise myself. Hope you reach peace with your decision, soon. Vxx
@Vegemitevix – Thanks V for the comment. I hear that NZ may be included in this year’s survey but I might have got that wrong. I think we’re slowly reaching some sort of peace with our decision to be communicated soon! Hampshire is bloody expensive though… that said, your groceries are much cheaper than in Sydney 🙂