Do you ever really find love when you most expect to?
My own journey – and the journey of others like me – says you probably don’t.
I spent last Saturday evening celebrating the birthday of a good friend’s wife. We arrived at their ground floor apartment terrace to the distinctive rhythm of Latin American music, colourful garden lights twinkling from up high on the marquee, and the mouthwatering aroma of chicken and beef skewers grilling on the barbeque.
Chilled drinks were served and a mix of Spanish-English chatter ebbed and flowed around me. Half-closing my eyes and with the warm autumnal air on my face, I could have been in Europe. In Spain. In fact, anywhere by the Mediterranean.
Surrounded by a lively cocktail of Colombians, Israelis, Australians and Brits, it was a Saturday night with a uniquely international flavour – and the partygoers shared more similarities than first met the eye.
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| Photo credit: Photography by BJWOK / FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
Following similar paths
Engaging with old friends and new acquaintances alike, I realised we all had something in common.
Each of us was sharing our lives with a partner from a different place. From a country far removed from our own.
My British friend, Simon, and his Colombian wife, Lynn. His brother, Mark, married to Mel, an Australian. Tom, also from Australia, and Malu from Colombia. Scotsman Grant and his Israeli wife, Ilana. Aussie Dave with Vicky, another Colombian.
And I with my wife, Sarah. My own beautiful piece of Australia.
As the aguardiente was raised, I wagered a bet that once upon a time none of us could have imagined we’d be sat on this terrace at this party in this city sharing our lives with soulmates from around the world.
My unexpected love
I grew up in the south of England with an immediate curiosity in the world at large and an early desire to explore the environment around me. Part-English, Canadian, Welsh and Irish, overseas adventure was always on the cards.
I met my wife, Sarah, in my 20’s. At the gym of all places. In a BodyPump class. My step behind hers. A fascinating place to find love and romance.
Treading water in my early career, I yearned to fly the coup and explore. Sarah was a shining light of positivity and worldliness in my small southern English town of grey. She saved me from the boredom of a life lived in front of the television or at the shopping mall or down the pub. She was also quite a good-looking sort.
Within two years, we were headed to Canada on the first leg of our travel adventure together.
I didn’t intend to find Sarah but, deep down, I always knew I’d been searching for her.
I wanted someone with a passion for living life, not just getting by. I wanted to see and do extraordinary things with a like-minded friend and partner, not just follow the routine 9-5. And I wanted to be with someone who loved her own home as much as mine and, more importantly, wanted to share it openly with me.
Sarah gave me all that and more.
A world of positives
This journey from there to here has been remarkable and committing to someone from a different country has been no small thing.
We’ve had our ups and, sure, we’ve had our downs. From being far from loved ones to the travel distance between familial homes and the ever-present uncertainty regarding how long we live in which place are ongoing issues that will no doubt follow us to the very end.
But the understanding we have of each other runs deeper than water. We’ve lived in each other’s countries. We’ve experienced how tough it is to be away from immediate family and friends. We intuitively know each other’s thoughts and instinctively protect each other when the need arises as if second nature.
We are culturally enriched from exposure to each other’s homes and histories, traditions and celebrations. We appreciate each other for what we bring to the table and are forever grateful for the sum of both our parts.
At the terrace party last Saturday, I saw that deeper understanding and affection in the eyes and actions of the others. They were there for each other, for the long haul, through thick and thin. And by embracing their differences and welcoming diversity, they’d created a strong and loving community within which to settle, establish and grow.
As for my story, I guess I never really expected to find the love of my life on that early morning at that gym in that southern English town.
And that, for me, has been the most pleasantly surprising thing.
Have you found love where you least expected it? Did you find love along an overseas journey of your own or did you set out with soulmate in hand as I did?
Do share your own story below.
Ah beautifully written Russell, can I join your gang – Kiwi girl met Englishman man in Paris and then moved to England to be with him. Soon, hopefully very soon, he will get to experience my world and I will need to learn to be understanding when he is homesick and pining for his. Vix x
Aaaaahhhh! I just adore tales of love across the divides of culture and country. I can relate to this because I’m an Irish lass who married her Pakistani prince! Although my husband has visited Ireland with me and seen the farm where I lived until we emigrated to the UK, my school and the small town that was the sum of my world back then, I missed my chance to visit his homeland. I was seven months pregnant, crippled by SPD and in no condition to navigate the threat of possible kidnapping or the trials of cooking over a chulay (Pakistani cooking fire). Hopefully, someday, the opportunity will arise again, I hear Pakistan, despite it’s problems, can be a very beautiful place.
Hi Vix, you sure can join this gang 🙂 Your story is great – and quite the romantic tale.
Learning to be understanding when the other person is homesick is invaluable. I spent three years comforting Sarah every time we said goodbye to her family at Heathrow or walked through the departure gate at Sydney airport. Now she gets it when I have those moments needing a fix from the UK. It feels like a deeper understanding of each other.
So when do you ideally expect to make your way over here?
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Aisha. Another great example of love across geographic borders. Given that you’re both from two different places and living in a third, have you found it’s made you stronger as a couple? Do you have additional struggles being away from both families?
I hope you get to visit Pakistan one day. I’m sure it is a very beautiful place.
Would love to hear some more stories of people with partners from overseas – has it been an easy, enriching path to follow or have you had difficulties unique to your own situation?
Beautiful story, Russell. May you and Sarah live happily ever after, wherever in the world that may be. 🙂
Thanks, Andrea. Appreciate the kind words.
Such a beautiful piece recognizing and appreciating your partner’s role and contributions to the life you build together. Finding the person you’re meant to be with helps ease the journey as we make our way in this world. Lovely
Without her, I wouldn’t be where I am, doing what I’m doing, and looking forward to the next step on the journey (which I hope to announce here next week). She is as responsible for this adventure as I am – and we love our life together, corny as that may sound.
Thanks for the lovely comment, LAJ 🙂
As ever, fabulous and emotive writing Russ. True love and the fairy tale really DO exist outside of the US movie industry!!
You know what, Ms Monks, I really do believe it exists. Not of the gushy, bowled-over, time stops still variety. But in a way that you just know life will be great because the person you’ve chosen to share it with (and vice versa) is on your wavelength and ‘gets’ you and wants to live the same kind of life that you do. After that, the rest is easy.
I love that you like my writing, MJ. Means a lot to me…
You old romantic. Brought a tear to my cynical eye. Whether it’s
the boy (or girl) next door or the boy (or girl) on the other side of the
planet, once you’ve found what you didn’t even know you were looking for,
cherish it. When, for family reasons, Liam suggested we might have to return to
Blighty, I said yes without hesitation. I have learned that my adventure isn’t
a location but a state of mind.
My Jamaican husband and I have been married 25 years this year…We met in London in an office….and I never expected to be sitting in my beautiful tropical garden writing this… That’s the wonderful thing about life – the unexpected. We have been through ups and downs too of course – and missing people and places is definitely a part of it. Yes, we did set out for Jamaica hand in hand, and with a small baby boy. Life is an adventure, if you are up for it! congratulations to you and your friends on your happiness. By the way, my brother married an Australian too – they now live in Brisbane… I LOVED this post, thanks!
I know, I know. I can’t help it. I am a bit of an old romantic at heart.
‘Adventure isn’t a location but a state of mind’. How right you are. It really doesn’t matter where you are, does it? As long as you’re on your own personal journey of a lifetime and doing it with a someone who’s as up for the ride as you are.
I seem to remember that Liam is an Irish boy – and you are from England. You could have been at the international party last week and you would have been one of the gang with your own overseas soulmate. See you at the next one? Maybe this time in Norwich? 🙂
Hi Emma. Congrats on the 25 years of marriage. That’s a fantastic achievement. And now being lived out in a wonderful location!
Life is full of the unexpected, for sure. Whether you head overseas or simply meet someone from another country, you experience the full gamut of emotions and unusual turns – some great, others not so good. But would you change any of it? Not I…
I hope your brother is very happy in Brisbane with his Aussie lady. Do they plan to live there indefinitely? Thanks for loving this post and a big thanks for sharing your story 🙂
This is so beautiful! I love the picture you’ve painted–the warm, happy, deeply loving vibe is just emanating from my computer. It’s so good to hear someone basking in the joys of an international relationship for once rather than just focus on the difficulties. What an amazing and special group you have there!
I met my partner (South African born) at a music festival in London (you might know it actually, Reading) where we were both living. He was there with a friend of mine from Australia, they were living together. Fast forward 5 1/2 years, we’ve travelled to 16 countries, lived in Perth and London and are now based in Thailand, kinda half-way between our two ‘homes’. It’s taken me a while, but I now believe home is wherever we are together. Where our journey will take us is anyone’s guess, and I think that’s part of the fun. Great post, congrats on the blogging comp.
A lovely post. For reasons I can not particularly explain have have always had the wonderlust! Having lived in Oz for a year I returned to England simply because my visa was about to expire. While I was working to save money to return to Oz I met my husband who is also English, but lived north of the border! Since then we married aboad in 1994 and have travelled, but have got sidetracked with the usual mortgage and dog – no children and are now in the very early stages of thinking of taking the first steps of selling up and travelling. Life is for living after all! We do have our border terrier to consider, but we have a plan and are simply taking one step at a time!
Norwich it is! Like so many, Liam is London Irish. he was born in Holloway to Irish parents.
Done 🙂
Thanks Kate. And it’s all true, I promise! Agree that too often we hear/talk about the negatives rather than focus on the positives. It’s not that they’re not there, we just choose to tune them out most of the time and surround ourselves with positive people. Thankfully in Sydney there’s an abundance of them 🙂
Hi Sarah. Yes, I know Reading well – my hometown is right next door to it. Very good festival indeed.
Great story about you and your partner by the way – and 16 countries in 5 1/2 years? Wow! Congrats on that achievement alone. We lived in Canada for 3 years and it was a half-way point for both of us and worked well. Living in Sydney is a bit more of a challenge but you find ways to work around it. And thanks for the congrats on the blogging comp – a big surprise and very happy with the result so far. Plan to post more on it next week 🙂
Hey Julie – thanks for your comment. I also have trouble explaining the wanderlust thing… maybe we’re born with the nomad in us or maybe we open a pandora’s box along the journey and have trouble closing it back up. Either way, it makes life kind of interesting, doesn’t it?
I wish you the very best of luck with your future plans. Sounds exciting and full of opportunity. Where are you planning on heading to? This way perhaps?
And bring the border terrier with you… we brought our two English labs, Murphy and Milo, and never looked back!
Hi Russell, thanks for the reply. Absolutely your way. Sad to say but I am too old for a working visa, my occupation and that of my husband is not on the “preferred” occupation list. My family is not biologically close enough to give me the points that I need, so we have had to resort to a plan B, which ultimately means we can not stay in the Country for more than a year at a time. That said, we are in the early stages and the grey cells are pondering and planning and we have a way to go, but I can see light at least at the end of that tunnel!
Make sure you keep that hope alive. There’s always a way and the immigration rules/criteria change more often than the weather. Looking forward to hearing more about it as things progress.
And ditto for you and yours too.
A found love in a music room in Sweden. I was meant to stay for one year as an exchange student. That was 12 years ago.
That must have been some big love you found in that music room in Sweden to remain for 12 years, LouLou. But that’s what I love about this life. You can’t predict what will happen if you put yourself out there and, more often than not, very unexpected things happen. Congrats to you and yours.
Lovely story Russell! Totally relate.
I met my husband at a down town hotel in Bangkok when we were backpacking many moons ago. He from South Africa, me from a small Devon village in England. 11 countries later we’ve come to rest our gypsy hearts in South West Australia. Content, but maybe not yet tamed.
In case you might be interested … I wrote about our expat love story recently over on my blog, Zigazag.
Thanks Johanna. Off to have a read of your own story now. Whereabouts in Devon are you from? I might know it…
Just read your expat story and left a comment over on the post. A lovely tale of expat love and romance found in the most unlikely of places. Proof that backpacking can be a very good pursuit! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Thanks for reading my Far East tale of expat love and romance. I really appreciate your time and kind comments 🙂
I’m from Bideford in Devon. Love that scenery but don’t miss the weather!
I know it well. Used to holiday down there with the family. You’re right – lovely scenery but pretty inclement weather!