Earlier this year, the Telegraph published an article on the British rush for Australian visas in pursuit of a move Down Under.
This month, I’ve been away from the motherland for nine years and I thought it timely to share a few things I’ve learned from living overseas for those folk thinking of a life adventure either to Oz or elsewhere.
If you’re reading this as a fellow expat, I’d also appreciate your own insights from a life lived abroad.
If you had your time again, what do you wish someone had told you to help ease the transition? If you were given five minutes to divulge your top three tips for a successful international life, what would they be?
Here are a few of mine.
Photo credit: Tiger Pixel (Flickr Creative Commons) |
Leave your baggage behind
Do you have friends who regularly compare their life abroad to living in their homeland, who think that things aren’t better in their new home than they were before, who make statements wishing things were more like back home?
I see it in the status updates on Facebook all the time.
The thing is nobody likes a whinger. The ‘locals’ don’t want to hear a recent arrival complain. Things will be different and they will feel strange but, sooner or later, you’ll have to open that can of ‘toughen up’.
I remember arriving in Canada in the summer of 2003. I had no immediate contact with family back home, I’d quit my corporate job for a return to university, and I was living temporarily with relatives I hadn’t seen in many years. At first, every day was unfamiliar, every experience unsettling, but I’d signed up to this way of life and I tried hard not to complain.
If I negatively compared life in my new home to the way things were in the UK, I saw a certain look pass across the face of my host. A mix of pity and annoyance. I soon learned to forget unnecessary comparisons, positively acknowledge the differences, and accept the choice I’d made. For if I didn’t like that choice, it would be easy to pack up and return home.
Did you struggle in those early days of expat life? Have you seen the expat who likes to complain and compare all of the time?
Get up to speed fast
Did you arrive in your new home and only then begin to properly understand how the housing market works or what to do with your money or where to find the best schools for your kids? Or did you have it all planned out before moving?
I found that advance planning was only one part of a successful transition overseas. The other part was on-the-ground, local knowledge, which had to be gained quickly and in some detail.
In Australia, no amount of planning prepared me for the shock and awe of the Sydney housing market – how expensive the houses were, where the affordable suburbs were, and how to finalise a mortgage as a recent immigrant with no credit history. My wife, a true blue Aussie, had been away for seven years, yet even she struggled to get credit from the banks. We had to work fast to understand how to achieve financial security.
I knew about Medicare and thought it was similar to the UK’s National Health Service. However, there were subtle differences that needed to be understood. For example, given our combined salaries, we needed private health insurance to ensure full healthcare coverage and to avoid paying additional taxes at the end of the financial year. Our research hadn’t revealed this so we needed to quickly understand the available products.
And so the list went on:
- Where were the local favourite eating spots?
- How should we tip in Sydney?
- Where to find the best coffee?
- Would our dog need special vaccinations?
- Where to wear my thongs?!
From the absurd to the crucial, I’ve learned the importance of being on the ground and moving quickly to understand the local environment in terms of finances, housing, healthcare, schools, jobs, etc., etc. Planning is great but planning isn’t perfect. I’d advise you to hit the road fast upon arrival and get up to speed as soon as you can.
What have been your own expat experiences? Did you encounter any pleasant/unpleasant surprises?
Ditch the guilt
Call it separation guilt, unease at leaving loved ones to move to the other side of the world or feeling bad at enjoying my environment, I’ve experienced it. I know I’m not alone because I’ve spoken to others who’ve shared their personal stories of guilt at the decision to move overseas.
Have you felt guilty at moving abroad? Have you ever doubted your decision to leave or considered returning as a result?
Living abroad can be a double-edged sword.
You explore wonderfully different places, meet fascinating people, try extraordinary things. Yet you do this away from the comfort of your original family home and you may feel guilty or uncomfortable in doing so.
You start to feel settled and established, then perhaps a sly comment or an unguarded word from a loved one made you reflect on your decision to leave. It’s Christmas and you had to miss the annual family reunion. Maybe you chose a local holiday rather than fly back to where you’re from. If your parents are ageing or someone is sick in the family, your decisions to abandon the family in pursuit of a better life can seem difficult to reconcile.
It’s possible to replace feelings of guilt with a belief that the choice you made to move was the right one. In my experience, make the decision to leave, believe in it, and find peace with that decision – or face a future of uncertainty and unease.
These are just a few of my thoughts so over to you fellow expats, travellers or international movers-to-be.
What are your top expat tips for a life overseas? What have you learned from living abroad? If you’re thinking of moving, what else would you like to know?
Emily McGee says
Great tips! I especially appreciate “Get Up To Speed Fast”. I try to prepare as much as possible before a move, but it’s always necessary to gather information after arrival and make some swift decisions.
To accompany this list, I would also advise people to get involved in the community as soon as possible. For me, this usually means taking a language class (I’ve lived in places where English was not the primary language), which helps me meet people, communicate better with locals, and get out of the house. I find that locals appreciate my language-learning efforts and it gives me more confidence in a new place.
Johanna Castro says
Can relate to all of that! Particularly the guilt trip. It’s true you really have to believe in your decision because there will be so many times when you feel selfish for choosing a brand new life over a life of duty to family and friends ‘back home’. My add on tip is to have a regular day for a phone call or skype call to your parents – that way you can both look forward to it and it becomes a happy habit that keeps you both in touch with what’s going on in each other’s lives.
Russell V J Ward says
Thanks for your comment, Emily. Great advice re. getting involved in the community. Thanks for sharing π
Living in an English-speaking country, I didn’t have that kind of language issue but I did join a local training group. It’s been a useful way to meet people from my neighbourhood and learn more about this part of the world.
Russell V J Ward says
You definitely do. It’s character-building at the very least – facing down the guilt and staying true to your decision.
The Skype or telephone call is important. I’ve stuck with a Sunday night weekly call for a long time and it seems to work. In my experience, when we’ve all been busy and neglected the call, you can feel the contact and knowledge of each other’s lives diminishing. It’s important to keep it going. Very useful tip – thanks Johanna.
Kym Hamer says
One of my tips would be to immerse yourself in local life…try stuff ‘on’ and give it a good wearing to see what fits. I have seen fellow Aussies come over to London and because there are so many expat Aussies here, it’s easy to get caught up in that particular set. It’s comfortable and you share the same language, humour, thoughts about home. But you have to look outside that to get the full richness of the life you’ve chosen. And regardless of how you got there, you’d be best to choose it – depth of experiences is one of the blessings of expat life so if your frame is that something other than that your own choice landed you where you are, I’d say it’s time for a new frame of your choosing.
My other experiences relate to connections with ‘home’. While I didn’t feel guilty when I left, there was a real dis-connect with people at home particularly when I was asked ‘why are you/did you go?’ There’s nothing specific to eply with: I came because my gut told me here was what was next and I never wanted to look back and say ‘I should have…’ and I’m staying because I want to build a life here. But that’s really hard for friends and family to take when it looks on the surface like you ‘threw away’ a perfectly successful happy-looking life.
On top of that, I hated the sideshow that accompanied visits home – such a short time frame to reconnect and everyone seemed to want a piece of me or to offer a piece of me to others who expressed a desire to catch up. My best holiday home was when I got brutal and said no to everyone. Life goes on for those that stay and those that leave and it was a relief to concentrate my efforts on those closest to me. Blogging and Facebook help us stay connected with the everyday events and themes (we are not a family who do phone calls) so when we get together, it’s nice to chill and let the connection work its magic again.
Chasing the Donkey says
Cheers for the great read. As a soon to be expat, it was good see your views.
I’m more curious about the rules and customs about making new friends abroad.
…..oh and in case in 9 years you hadn’t figured it out – you can wear your things/flip flops ANYWHERE!!
Jack Scott says
I was asked the same question a while ago and reached into the deep recesses of my brain to provide a response. This is the best I could come up with:
Be prepared for a culture shock and
show respect for the country you have chosen to move to.
Do what you can to integrate and
engage you hosts.
Learning the lingo, at least conversationally, will really
help (here I failed miserably).
Understand where you are: learn a
little history and if there are English language newspapers, read them.
Keep the brain cells active: if you
don’t have a job, develop some interests to fill your days.
Leave the whitewashed ghettos and go
explore your new country.
Don’t rush into instant,
life-sapping friendships with other expats; think emotional resilience and
choose carefully.
Stay sober, at least part of the
time.
And finally, a prerequisite for
every expatriate, the wisdom of Solomon and the
patience of a saint.
NewLifeOnTheRoad says
I have never thought about health insurance before! I would love to visit Thailand and more overseas so I guess its something that we are going to have to look into!
We love the idea of moving overseas, maybe when our boys are a little bit older. The number one tip would be to “Live like the Locals” so that you find the best places to eat, shop and great areas to visit π
Emma Caroline Lewis says
Those are the top three in my book, too. Making those comparisons – avoid at all costs. Everywhere is different, everywhere has its pluses and not-so-great aspects. I would add: Take a deep breath. You are adjusting, and it takes time.
Emma Caroline Lewis says
Definitely “leave the whitewashed ghettos,” and the sooner the better!
Russell V J Ward says
No worries. Hope it helped – and they are just a couple of tips. There are lots more as you can see from the comments. Whereabouts are you moving to?
Thanks for the thongs advice. Noted π And I am – although it’s a bit cold here at the moment so I’m not quite brave enough to bare those toes!
Russell V J Ward says
Agreed.
Russell V J Ward says
Take a deep breath is a good suggestion, Emma. Keep an open mind too.
Russell V J Ward says
Neither did I until moving here – it was a pleasant surprise for sure!
Thanks for the additional tip. Learning from the locals is a big help, plus you get to avoid the pitfalls that the ‘tourists’ often make. Good luck with your possible future plans to move abroad π
Russell V J Ward says
Thanks, Jack. Great list. Particularly liking the second-to-last point and wondering how successful you were with that one!
I think your point about not rushing into instant relationships with other expats is an important one too. I see that happen a lot here, particularly given the large number of Brits in Sydney. I often wonder how much good it does in terms of encouraging you to stay away from the ‘locals’, choosing to hang out with other expats and watch the footie on the big screen instead.
Andrew says
If I had a cake for every time I read a fellow expats winging updates on Facebook….I’d be REAALLLY fat right now! I get that sometimes a good winge is necessary, because it can be a struggle, but complaining all over Facebook is not necessary!
Some of these people even end up returning home, where they then write about how much they miss aspects of their old lifestyles! I guess some people are born wingers! Great post, I really identified with it!
Russell V J Ward says
Thanks, Kym. Your reply is very wise and useful π
I agree with all points. Immerse yourself – absolutely. The disconnect part is tricky. You want people to buy-in to your dream but they don’t necessarily accept your decision. You threw away a perfectly happy-looking life in their eyes but. In yours, you built on and improved it.
I’ve also adopted your last tip in recent visits. I soon realised that I couldn’t see everyone on visits home so I became harsh in my selections. The downside is that I inevitably miss out on catching up with certain people but the ‘spend an hour with someone, share news, then say goodbye again’ routine exhausted me. I also now prioritise with close family and friends.
Always appreciate your thoughtful comments, Kym. I hope you’re enjoying the Olympics.
Russell V J Ward says
I’m with you there, Andrew. I see a lot of complaining on social media, particularly on Twitter or via blog posts.
It’s hard if you are struggling but I think you’re right that a) some people are born to whine, but also b) some people should think more carefully about leaving home in the first place. It will be different and not always in a good way. If it’s proving too much, I guess it’s time to revisit those reasons you left in the first place and see if they still apply. If not, time to head home!
Where are you currently based? By the way, glad you liked the post π
Katriina says
I agree whole-heartedly with your great advice, and also with everyone who commented on the importance of not taking the easy road and hanging out exclusively with other expats. One other piece of advice: at the beginning, keep a very open mind and say yes to as many social events and invitations as you can. When you are in a new place and don’t know anyone, every social event is a rich source of knowledge and potential new friendships, and the more often you get out and talk to new people, the quicker you will find your feet. Later on you can sort out who are the people who’ll be lasting friends and those who won’t! π
Russell V J Ward says
Thanks Katriina. Good advice re. getting out to social events in your new community.
I probably didn’t do that as much as I should have in the early days and, with hindsight, it would have made things easier for me. I relied on my wife’s friends from the area and only over time did I made my own headway in the local community. You should definitely try to put yourself out there right away. Thanks again π
Andrew says
Hey Russell, I’m based in Sao Paulo, Brazil at the moment, having spent 4 years living in Japan….I also a blog too,
http://creelinbrazil.blogspot.com.br/2012/07/yep-im-definitely-still-foreigner-in.html
I really enjoyed your blog, will be coming back soon to check it out!
Russell V J Ward says
Thanks Andrew. Will have a look at it now. Cheers for sharing and you are most welcome back here any time π
expatriababy says
This is great advice…and I must say that I’m TERRIBLE at number two. We just moved and I’m still not sure about the geography of the place. But I’m working on it. Slowly. Once I recover from the moving stress. One day. Ha.
My biggest tip, and the one that I learned the hardest, is to accept that you’re not in your home country and try your best not to compare the new country to home. It’s different, yes, but different doesn’t mean bad. I’m really hoping that I can maintain this attitude throughout the transition to life in Jakarta!
Russell V J Ward says
Hey Erica, thanks for adding to the conversation. Hope you get on top of number two soon but knowing some of the exotic and populous places you’ve called home, it can’t be easy. Maybe take your time with this one π
Different is certainly not bad, just… well, different. Will keenly follow your adventures as you settle into Jakarta life. How long have you been on the ground there now? Are the language differences proving to be a big issue?
Mrs OC says
Great advice Russell! You’re right on the guilt. With my hubby the ex-pat working his way through the various residency and visa hoops towards potential citizenship, I sometimes think it’s me, who is effectively ‘at home’ who feels more guilt about us being so far away from his family, and he’s Irish Catholic, they’ve cornered the market in guilt! I think settling in your new home is to acknowledge that it’s not better or worse, it’s just different. But there are absolutely advantages in getting yourself up to speed on those differences as quickly as possible – as you say, it can be a massive learning curve!!
Carrie Sanderson says
Great tips Russell – what has helped me when I have moved and lived abroad is joining some sort of sports club or exercise class. It helped me take my mind off things, worked my body which made me feel good (though make sure it’s a sport or exercise you enjoy, not one you feel you ‘should’ be doing) and was a great way to make new, often local rather than expat, friends. You immediately have something in common!
Russell V J Ward says
Thanks Carrie. Good advice. I joined the local gym when in Canada and immediately met a bunch of people from the neighbourhood. I’ve also made some good friends through the training group I’m with here on the Northern Beaches. I tried new activities which didn’t feel right so they eventually dropped off.
Russell V J Ward says
Why thanks, Mrs OC π Sorry to hear about the guilt-giving Irish Catholic family and I hope hubby gets through those hoops soon. It must be hard but worth it in the end.
I felt like you when we lived in the UK and my better half was far from home. Thankfully she didn’t have any visa hoops to jump through but you do feel responsible when they’re having a hard time for whatever reason. This living abroad thing isn’t easy, is it? π
emilyinchile says
Love your advice. Plus, not in your case but in many, I’d add “learn the language.” I’m always amazed by expats who’ve been here for years and can barely function in Spanish!
Russell V J Ward says
Thanks Emily. Unbelievable to think people would move to a country without being able to speak the local lingo. Good luck to them!
Sabrina says
I agree about not complaining – it’s a pet peeve of mine when expats complain too much. I know there are moments when we all need to let off steam, but I always think that if things are so much better back home, maybe that’s the place they should be.
Number three is hardest for me. I always feel a pull between the feeling of “I can believe how lucky I am that THIS is my life!” and a feeling of obligation to people back home
Russell V J Ward says
Hi Sabrina. My pet peeve too. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with the odd complaint but it’s the comparison to ‘home’ that usually gets under my skin. Nothing worse than being a perpetual whiner, especially through public fora such as social media!
Frances says
This is great advice and I’m going to make a mental note of it since I’m moving to Melbourne for at least a year in a couple of months!
Russell V J Ward says
Good luck with the move, Frances, and glad the advice is useful.
Heather says
Great advice, Russell! It’s good that you mention that no amount of advance planning can fully prepare you, once you arrive in your new country. You can join the forums and ask all sorts of questions, but nothing replaces being on the ground and being ready to learn (on a fast learning curve, like you mentioned). I also really appreciate your attention to the loved ones we leave behind and the guilt issue. You’ve discussed this before and it resonates with me. I don’t know if I’ll ever make peace with that part of things, but I’ll take your advice and at least try to!
Russell V J Ward says
Thanks, Heather. I remember joining lots of forums prior to moving to Canada and, when we arrived, confident we knew the lay of the land, we realised we had so much more to learn. Planning helps and is still important. I hope the guilt lessens as your life builds and grows where you are. I’m sure it will. I’ve found this to be the case.
Ivan says
Very helpful advice for new expats. Fours years on in Melbournne, I realize the reason I am unhappy is down to the fact that I don’t fit in despite going to great lengths to try to enjoy football, keep my conversations to the bare minimum and accept that my humour will go completely over most people’s heads.
Russell V J Ward says
Thanks Ivan. It’s not easy, is it. Have you tried finding other expats – and seeking like-minded people that way? My view is if it’s not working, time to move on. Maybe you’ve reached that point…?
Phil A says
Interesting blog – thanks Russell. Some good advice here – my single extra tip to follow. We arrived in Tasmania from Scotland (though I’m English) getting on for two years ago (via New Zealand, which didn’t work out, so I’m ignoring those three years). I’ve been moderately depressed about the move for the past year. Though I know rationally that we are in a great place to live, I couldn’t seem to sever the emotional ties to the old country: family, friends and places (particularly pubs and the countryside).
My tip is to be prepared to change the things that you do in your spare time. Two things I was looking forward to about moving here was to explore the mountain country (which I used to do a lot in Scotland) and make use of the better climate to grow our own veges and live more sustainably (which I have often thought vaguely about, but previously actually done very little about). When we got here, we started bushwalking a lot, but I didn’t enjoy it – I didn’t enjoy the claustrophobia of the bush compared to the open mountains and scenery of Scotland. Even on the hilltops in Tassie, the view is of bush. Eventually, every time we went out walking, I hated it and wished we were back in Scotland. It wasn’t helping me to settle (not to mention annoying my partner who was enjoying her walks !), even though I’ve always gone hillwalking – it was what I did in my free time.
Eventually I decided to tackle the other reason for moving here, and, instead of spending the weekends out walking, have spent more time in the garden, growing veges, getting chooks, things I have never done before. It’s been great, and I can see a better future here now. Growing enough veges to eat would be hard work in Scotland, but it’s much easier here and even great fun. Now I begin to think that going back to Scotland would mean giving up too much, even if the walking is better there.
So don’t persist with activities that make you miss home, just because they are what you’ve always done. Look for new things to do that enhance the experience, and make the most, of being somewhere else.
p.s. I don’t really agree with the suggestion of hooking up with other expats, for similar reasons as above. Surely all you would do is talk about home, and what you miss, and make yourselves homesick. Get to know some locals instead.
Russell V J Ward says
Thanks Phil. That’s a very useful tip – thanks for sharing. Like you, I’ve found that trying to replicate ‘home’ (or the things I used to do) in my new home hasn’t often worked. Having found the hobby that keeps you content, do you think you’ll stay or do ever contemplate a move back? Really interesting to hear your perspective though. Thanks for sharing.
Point taken regarding meeting up with other expats. I’m sure it can work in moderation but I think you’re correct that ultimately you need to get to know the locals who are a huge part of your new life – and your path to less homesickness perhaps.
Phil A says
Ha, well, that’s becoming a tougher call now ! A few months ago, it was easy – we were heading back home in due course – something to look forward to. Now, I’m not sure – as I mentioned above, I’m already beginning to think that moving back might involve giving up too much. Fortunately, we don’t have to decide yet, but I begin to think we might stay put.
I meant to add in my first post that I hope eventually to begin again exploring Tassie’s wild country – I hope I am not giving up on that permanently. But, it wasn’t helping me settle in. Once we are more settled and established, then I hope I can resume bushwalking activities without bringing on the homesickness. I think it is worth pointing out (I’m sure others have done already) that the opposite to my experience is probably more often true – if you have a good hobby or sporting activity, then it could well help you integrate into a new community. It’s just that it didn’t work out like that for me.
Thanks again for the blog.
Russell V J Ward says
And I think that the longer you stay, the harder it becomes to make that decision (due to the ‘giving things up’ part). That’s been my experience anyway.
I’ve been to Tassie once – we went to Launceston, then Cradle Mountain, across to Bicheno Bay and down to Hobart. I loved the island. Wild and rugged. I know what you mean in that it’s not like Scotland but it’s not immensely far off. The bush is hard to get used to (I’m not sure I ever have or will) but Cradle Mountain and some of the surrounding trails are pretty special. I liked the huge variety of plants and fauna – one minute, tropical, the next, heather-covered fields. Quite diverse. I’d like to go back one day soon.
Nezza says
Love this post. In research for a post I did about Culture Shock in Australia I found you blog and I love the honesty. I’ve been living in Sydney for 8 months and it’s refreshing to read about the transitions and change on your blog. Keep it up!
Russell V J Ward says
Thanks, Nezza. Appreciate you saying so. Hope the past 8 months have been good for you.
Molly in Granada says
My advice to anyone moving to another country is to observe. See what the locals do, how they do it and then try to figure out why. This process will help enormously… Great post Russell !
Russell V J Ward says
Good advice, Molly. Nothing beats doing what the locals do.