It was in the summer of 2002 that we first decided to move abroad. The kernel of an idea was already there but, during that summer, we began to turn an idea into reality.
One year later and our first stop was Vancouver, Canada, where I turned my back on the corporate world and returned to student life. It was tough to begin with but things got easier as time went on. And we moved on.
To Ottawa and a job with the government, a new set of friends, our first Canadian house and a more settled way of life. But we were young and so we grew restless.
With the quest for travel and adventure still burning brightly in our hearts, we quit Canada in 2006 in search of long hot summers and a laidback lifestyle near the beautiful harbour city of Sydney, Australia.
In almost 12 years, I’ve lived in several countries, visited countless more, embraced foreign cultures and traditions, faced uncertainty and accepted frequent unease, met interesting people and collected friendships to cherish.
In my own way, I’ve tried to live life to the fullest.
Because living abroad is one of the most satisfying and challenging things I have ever done. It has altered the very core of who I thought I was and who I am now. Living abroad has fundamentally changed me.
I believe there are four ways living abroad changed me. Four ways it will also change you.
Forever.
1. You’re not the same person you were.
Living abroad is one of the most profound undertakings a person can do.
You don’t change job or move house, you do that and more. The scenery changes outside your window along with everything and everyone you once knew. The impact on you personally is huge.
You might not realise it immediately but over time, one day, you’ll see it for what it is. You’ve grown, evolved, moved on, faced setbacks and dealt with them on your own, overcome obstacles, beaten back the naysayers and you have the scars to prove it.
Some scars are good, some are bad, but nothing can ever be the same.
Things that were once important no longer matter. Things that didn’t seem important before now matter more. The value of friendship is paramount. Familiarity is a forgotten concept and you take nothing for granted.
The act of moving abroad makes you quickly realise that “things” don’t equal happiness. In fact, you start to redefine your original ideas of success.
On this international journey, you learned more than just differences – people, places, language, culture. You learned about you.
You faced challenges, got to know parts of you that you never knew existed and you’re amazed at what you’ve become. You’re amazed at the world.
You are different now. You changed.
2. You can never go back home.
You could if you really wanted to but it won’t ever be the same.
While you’ve been having adventures at breakneck speed and the movement of time in your world slowed in order to incorporate all of these experiences, everything at home carried on as before. People went to work, they came home, they holidayed, they had birthdays, they got married, they changed job and sometimes they moved house.
And while everything appears to have stayed the same, the truth is that life moved on without you.
This is a huge price to pay with moving abroad. You can have the adventures and the experiences but you can’t have “them”. You’re missing everything from the life you had before and all you can do is watch from the sidelines as people carry on.
At some point, you realise you couldn’t go back even if you wanted to. Some have tried and succeeded, others have failed. The problem is that your former life moved on, you moved on, and all the time you both moved apart.
Over time, phone calls drop off, emails are less frequent, contact lessens. You’ll never lose your friends and your family will always be family. But you’ll matter less to them and they’ll figure less in your new world.
It’s a harsh reality so face it. Or go back while you still can.
3. Your world became a whole lot bigger.
The moment you set foot abroad, the world grew in size.
New sights, smells and sounds opened up before you. The boundaries of your former life pushed out. The addiction to exploration became a permanent fixture.
And now there’s no turning back.
You always knew the world was this big but only when you stepped upon its far-flung corners did you truly realise just how big it is. How unfathomably amazing it is.
Knowing this, marvelling at its size and scope, how could you ever give this up? The answer is that you won’t. You can’t.
You’ll never stop searching for more.
Living abroad encourages independence, responsibility, respect and an opportunity to appreciate everyone and everything around you. These lessons will stay with you and shape the person you become.
Embrace the scale of what you’re doing. Rejoice in it. Because it’s all good.
4. Suddenly anything is possible.
The hardest part was leaving. Now that you’ve left, anything is possible.
Remember that you’ve changed and the old “you” is a distant memory. Think about what you can now do and what you’ve achieved.
You can travel further, speak another language, cook diverse foods, embrace different cultures, understand local traditions and festivities, open your mind to opportunity more frequently, approach relative strangers with confidence, kiss former comforts goodbye.
You proved that you can live abroad – and you survived. You went for it and followed your dreams. Sure, you opened Pandora’s Box and you’ll not be able to close it but you’re a happier, more content, less restless version of the former “you”.
And finally you’re free. You earned true freedom. Freedom to explore. Freedom to choose whatever you want. Freedom to be yourself.
You ditched the creature comforts and made a life for yourself thousands of miles from home.
You did it.
So pat yourself on the back, allow yourself a smile of satisfaction and get back to doing what you do best.
Because it’s working.
How has living abroad changed you?
Wow, I loved this post. So true, and so well written!
Thanks Andrew!
So true – especially the ‘anything’s possible’ part. You are constantly challenging, redefining and rediscovering yourself and your capabilities, and I find it incredible just much more fearless I have become. Brilliant post!
Thanks Rachel. And I think it’s only when you’ve been away for a while, when you step back and reflect on things, that this is when you realise how far you’ve come. Hope you’re well!
No worries. Hope it helps and feel free to ask any questions we might be able to help with.
“anything is possible” – that’s the biggest thing I learnt from living abroad. Things that sound difficult are often nowhere near as hard as you might think. I did move back home, but it is different, and I have different friends now, for the most part.
Thanks for sharing, Amanda. Nothing beats experience and, as you rightly say, these things are often never as hard as they seem. Pleased to hear you settled back in at home. I imagine it would be different because you are different but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing 😉
I definitely find myself relating to these. Every time i think about eventually returning home, I always wonder if it’s something I really can, or even want to do. After seven years, nothing is even remotely the same as it was when I left.
We came back just when we needed to and I think it was just in time!
Insightful post! I prefer to think living abroad has given me more than one home 🙂
Thanks, great insights, Going home is challenging in the same way that moving abroad for the first time is. We’ve just done it after 9 years away, pros and cons and the realisation that as you say life has moved on and you won’t, can’t just slot back in – need to think about it as another “new start” and take it as the beginning of the next phase and not going back.
I think so too Jack. Another few years and you’d both be lost in the wilderness!
That’s very true. And the more you keep on moving, the more homes you collect 🙂
It’s incredible how much you move on. And how much you accepted before, where as now you wouldn’t be quite so content. Still, it makes life interesting!
Thanks Louise. I hadn’t realised you were back and that’s a really useful approach to take: treating it as a new start/next phase. You’re absolutely right, it would be like that. I got a taste when I returned in the summer and could see things would have to be different if I returned permanently. Any further moves planned for you? 😉
Great post! I read a quote recently that relates to “2. You can never go back home.”. I wish I could remember the source and the exact words, but it was along the lines of, “You can never go back home, because home is a time and not a place.”
That could be true. Home is a point in time so you can’t go back to it. Interesting. If you find the exact quote, let me know and I’ll add it to the vault!
These are all excellent points. I think the part about losing touch with people is definitely very applicable to expats. As you say, your family will always be your family, but it’s easy to forget people if you don’t see them or have a reason to contact them regularly. I make sure I go home at Christmas to catch up with friends and family but the rest of the year I generally forget about them, as bad as that sounds.
Thanks Jonny. I can relate to your dilemma. And living in Australia makes it less likely that I’ll return to the UK each year so the pressure is always on. Whereabouts are you based?
Still.looking.for.that.episode.of.you.and.Sarah.on.House.Hunters.International.which.is.on.Netflix.now.but.your.episode.is.not.on.its.roster…yet..loved.your.insights.Russell.
Oh really? I thought it was also on HGTV in Canada. You’ve got to see it if you want a few laughs!
We moved abroad for my work for almost 10 years (2000-2010), and my experiences are very similar to the writer. A truly remarkable experience, and I would not trade it for anything. I read an article before leaving the US that said that the employee who does an overseas assignment feels that they’re worth so much more because of the experiences they’ve had, but the employers rarely acknowledge this change when the employee comes back. So true. My advice: do it for yourself personally and enjoy the new knowledge, friends, experiences and perspectives living overseas provides you. Don’t do it if you’re only looking for that next promotion.
I don’t quite agree with the statement that you can never go home again. I came back home to South Africa after 10 years ‘out there’ and very few countries could have changed as much as this one did between ’87 and ’97, the decade I was away. However, it was more ‘home’ to me than ever. Perhaps it’s just this strange country with its kind of fixed, permanent flavour of the ‘real.’ It still tastes and smells like eternity to me.
Thanks John. That’s a really interesting perspective – how an employer will view your return versus your own personal sense of achievement. I think the same could be true of friends in that they they may not appreciate your journey as much as you. Spot on though. Do it for yourself and for no-one else. Great to hear you had a remarkable experience and are much better for it!
And there’s nothing wrong with being absolutely comfortable at being home. I’m sure it’s the same for many of us. I wonder if witnessing those changes from afar made the bonds stronger for you and the desire to be back even more so. I’m pleased it worked out. And I bet that taste and smell is something very special.
I agree with everything you said here. I remember when I moved to the UK for the first time. After a year I was different, more confident. Now, living in Thailand is changing me again. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for me.
Well, ditching the comforts struck a chord!
Glad to hear it, Chris!
Every time you move, you develop more. Wherever you end up next, you’ll be changed that little bit more for the better (my opinion) 🙂
The greatest way to expand your vision, respect differences, build friendships you ordinarily would not build, and live life on the edge is by moving out of your comfort zone & moving into a different zone. A rolling stone gathers no moss.
Spot on, Fran. It’s hard to grow without pushing the edges of those boundaries. And a rolling stone gathers no moss… love it.